I was reading an interesting thread on twitter this morning and it emphasised something I’ve noticed online over the last few weeks. First I’ll give an example – this particular thread had asked the question of disabled people “With optimal support how different would your life be?”
The answers fell into two distinct categories, either “I’d write/study/move house/volunteer” or “I can’t imagine this / I don’t have the energy to think about this”. Now you could say perhaps some of the responders were more physically impaired by their disability, or that they deal with more debilitating symptoms. But having been noticing this for a while now I don’t believe this to be the case.
We can all choose how we think about something. And making that conscious choice has a huge effect on how we subsequently feel. Bear with me here – if you’d have told me this a few short years ago I’d probably have become defensive or angry and felt you were criticising my thought process. It’s only due to some great therapy and a lot of reading that I’ve been able to reach a point in my life where I’m thankfully able to make conscious decisions about what I think.
The impact this has had on me has been so positive. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a cure for my depression and anxiety, I’m still taking my pills and have days where it’s darker. What it has done is given me coping techniques to deal with those days without them turning into months every time.
In simple terms only WE are responsible for what we think. Yes, that inner voice is us too. It’s our head, our thoughts, our responsibility! And we make subconscious choices about what we think, how we react to things, how we will respond. So why not make those choices concious?
Let’s use my Saturday as an example. I woke around 11am, did the usual coffee/bathroom/clothing stuff then went to meet some friends in my local for coffee. I was there for about three hours, sitting down, chatting, crosswording and laughing. Then I went home and crawled into bed, took a double shot of painkillers and didn’t move again for six hours. This is fairly standard. Activity = pain + fatigue.
I could quite justifiably feel angry about this. It’s not fair, other people don’t have to pay for socialising, why can’t my meds work, why did I get this stupid disease, why am I so useless, I’m no good to anyone, my life is crap.
It’s an easy trap to fall into, I know because I’ve been there. But it leads down a very rocky path to anger, self pity, self hatred, and a feeling of total worthlessness. We convince ourselves we have no value. And that’s a self limiting belief, because we withdraw and huddle at home feeling sorry for ourselves, which means we don’t see anyone, which means they all hate us because we’re worthless. It’s a horrible lonely and despairing place to be.
But…! We have the power to change these thoughts. One day at a time, one belief at a time. There’s no magic trick or quick fix, it takes practice, and dedication. Which to be honest are small prices to pay for feeling better about yourself, right?
So Saturday night, laid up in bed. Was I angry, sad, feeling sorry for myself? Nope, not even close. Was I slightly peeved about the pain? You bet, but that’s as far as it went.
- Rather than being angry I could only stay out for a few hours and then had to suffer I was grateful for the lovely afternoon I’d had catching up with friends
- Rather than thinking my life is so awful I was thanking the universe for what I had – pain relief, a warm bed, heated blanket.
- Rather than thinking I was worthless for not spending more time with friends I acknowledged that they love me, and enjoy spending time with me. And I’m very grateful for that gift.
I think the most impactful thing I’ve learned has been to practice self-love and gratitude. Both are simple concepts. Accepting yourself, and loving the unique person you are will be the most important thing you ever do for yourself. And practising gratitude daily is such an easy habit.
Start by listing three things a day. They could be time with friends, a nice lunch, a sunny day. And some days they’ll be bed, sleep, food. But you’ll find you start appreciating the small stuff, and realising it’s really the important stuff. Ever thought about why small children are so delighted by every little thing, so quick to laugh, to smile? They have no learned pattern of negative thoughts, they literally live in the moment.
So next time you’re about to tell the world how dreadful your life is, stop for a moment and watch what you’re thinking. There’s probably a jumble of negative thoughts whirring round all reinforcing your poor opinion of your life. So acknowledge them, and then let them go. Take a minute to think of what’s good about today. Toast, pyjamas, slippers? Great, that’s a start. Aren’t you glad you have them? ☺️
Honestly, give it a try. It is possible to choose to find the joy in your life rather than focus on the pain, and the outcome is you’ll start feeling happier. That’s what I call a win. Namaste 🕉️💙