I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last few days, as I’ve reached the point where RA is forcing me to make some big decisions and changes. I am still nowhere near well enough to be very active or proactive, or at the moment work, and obviously that has an impact on my days, how I spend my time, my mood, and even more significantly at the moment where I live.
So, I’ve been (on the instruction of my very wise GP) reaching out over the past few days, actually telling people this is me, I’m not well, and I may need help, both physically and emotionally.
And Oh my! The response has been amazing. I have been seriously touched and moved to tears by some of the messages I have had back from my beautiful, generous friends and family.
Not one hint of censure or criticism, which has very importantly validated what I am doing to try and keep myself as well as possible. It’s difficult to explain but I know I’m not alone as a chronic illness sufferer in feeling incredibly guilty and yes, embarrassed for not being able to just “get on with it”. So very soon you start doubting your reasoning and assuming others will think the worst.
So. Having reached a forced and unexpected fork in my road, I have new terrain to walk. I have downsized my expectations in the same way I’ll be downsizing my belongings, it’s not that I no longer have dreams and goals, they are just becoming different as my priorities shift. I am starting to make some peace with this.
But that would not have been possible without knowing my support network is out there holding me up. I’ve warned my friends I may need to lean and without hesitation they have held out their hands. I am blessed.