Emotional Eating…

I’ve been thinking today as I sorted out my sewing box (how many buttons?!) and my stationery box (how many pens?!) about the how’s and why’s of my relationship with food, and what lies behind it.

I don’t know anyone, overweight or underweight, who doesn’t have problems with emotional eating, and in some ways I think it’s the hardest thing to step away from. Unlike with heroin or crack or alcohol where one just abstains from the substance to deal with the addiction with food we can’t, we all have to eat to survive.

And these are deeply ingrained behavior patterns melded into our psyche as children then carried through to adulthood where they become a subconscious belief – the belief that certain foods make us ‘feel better’.

What do we do with a crying baby? Feed it. How do we cheer a toddler out of a mood? Food. What do we reward children with when they clear their plates? Sweet food. (two lots of issues there – we are all trained not to ‘waste’ food from an early age so we stop noticing when we’re full). What do we have as treats on special days, holy days, birthdays? Food, food & more food.

It’s no big shocker that we associate food with comfort more than anything else. When we eat that bar of chocolate or packet of biscuits we are unconsciously reaching back through time to our first feeds, when food also meant being held close, safe & loved, with no worries or cares. That’s a really strong pull, and in essence it’s what we’re fighting.

I don’t know what makes the difference between people who have a healthy relationship with food and those who don’t. People who can have two chocolates and put the box away for another time. Maybe it’s nurture, maybe nature. I’m sure the answer would be worth millions!!

But I do know my eating issues started in my early twenties, and I’ve had them ever since. I can look back at times when I was really happy and the weight fell off, and then sometimes when I thought I was happy and the weight was piling back on anyway.

For years I’ve watched furtively as slim people ate chocolate bars or ice cream and thought “well they can have them, why should I go without”. Yes they. They (the slim people) are obviously a race of aliens with incredible willpower. Except no. They simply view food as fuel, enjoyable fuel but without the emotional baggage we attach to our eating.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know what it isn’t for me. Diets. Shakes. Low Carb/fat/protein. Intermittent fasting. Atkins. Weight watchers. Banning sugar. Spending three mornings a week at the gym. Yes, I’ve done all of these plus others over the past twenty eight years. And I’ve lost weight. And on it has gone again because I haven’t tackled the cause. My mind.

So for me the change I make now has to be permanent, and yes, if that means I calorie count for the next twenty years so be it. Because I can’t be trusted not to. Interestingly I’m not finding this hard. Difficult yes, but not hard.

I’m rediscovering a love for fruit and salad and veggies cooked well with flavour. I’ve found a wonderful organic granola that has no added sugar or fruit and its gorgeous. I’m remembering to reach for grapes or a carrot or a rice cake if I’m peckish. I’m actually planning meals on the days that I can cook, and enjoying preparing them.

Believe me when I say I could happily ditch this tomorrow, go back to eating mostly crap and put weight back on in a heartbeat. But you know what? I want this more. I don’t want to have to use an extender on plane seat belts. I don’t want to keep looking for the sturdier chairs. I don’t want to keep wearing shapeless tunics because they ‘cover the bumps’. And I don’t want doctors to be less concerned about my symptoms because they look at me & see fat. I want to remove that excuse from their arsenal.

But most of all I want… Leather trousers, 50th birthday 😎👖👢💛

As always comments & opinions are my own and not a substitute for speaking with a medical professional

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Patients, not criminals 

​Interesting and thought provoking article from Piers Morgan on the current opiate situation in the USA. However I’m in two minds here. The illegal sales and addiction and over prescribing absolutely have to be dealt with effectively. 

However….by taking a play to the popular media stance the US government has sadly started treating genuine chronic pain sufferers like criminals. I speak regularly with a large number of people in the US, mainly with RA, but also other chronic pain conditions. There is no cure. There is no way out. 

The US media has in my opinion completely misunderstood and misrepresented the difference between dependence and addiction, just calling all opioid users addicts. 

I rely (am dependent upon) two opioids to allow me to achieve some level of comfort daily. Tramadol for regular daily use and oxycodone for breakthrough pain (when tramadol is not enough).  I am in no way addicted to either of these drugs – to be honest I don’t see the attraction. Tramadol just dulls my pain with no other effect at all, and if I on rare occasions need more than two doses of oxycodone a day (well under what my prescription allows) I feel very nauseous and slightly dizzy, neither of which are a pleasurable experience. I literally have to make the choice between turning down the pain and feeling sick or putting up with the pain and wanting to scream. Hobsons choice. 
Maybe I’m doing it wrong(!), maybe I don’t have an addictive personality, maybe my body metabolises drugs more efficiently, but I certainly have never gotten high (before oxycodone I used morphine but the nausea turned to violent sickness after one dose which is not amusing). 

Am I dependent on these drugs? Absolutely.  I have multiple joint damage, cervical and lumbar spine problems all from RA. Should I have to sit here in agony because some idiot wants to get high using the same substance? Absolutely not. Leaving patients in pain when there is an effective drug available is inhumane. 

Yet that’s exactly what’s happening to my friends in the US. I’m talking about doctors and consultants refusing to prescribe pain relief. Patients being sent to specialist pain clinics. Middle aged housewives being asked to take urine tests every four weeks before they can get their next prescription. Disabled patients having to travel distances in discomfort just to get to the nearest person who will prescribe them pain relief. 

Yes, the massive over use of opiates needs addressing, but there must be some way to not make patients feel like criminals just for wanting some relief.

As usual thoughts are completely my own and do not proffer medical advice.