A Question of Kindness…

An author I admire, Vironika Tugaleva, asked a question of her followers a while ago – the seemingly simple ‘What is the difference between being nice & being kind?’ I fired off a quick tweet in reply & promptly forgot about it – the transience of twitter!

My response, which was very off the cuff, was this – ‘I think being nice comes from conscious thought, whereas being kind is unconscious & authentic.’

You may understand the moment of sheer (if irrational) panic when she tweeted me back today, saying ‘That’s an interesting distinction. Do you think we need both?’

For a few seconds my brain just fizzled! “Why did I say that, I’ve never really thought about it, what did I actually mean, arghhh!” It was roughly the adult equivalent of sticking your hand up in class at school then realising you’d forgotten the question 🙃

(This only lasted for an instant & I’m actually amused by my thinking. In some dim recess of my mind I’m still, like most of us, waiting for someone to stand up & shout “fraud!” whenever I put my thinking out for scrutiny. Do we ever lose that completely?).

Once I’d taken a breath & re-read my initial response, of course it made sense to me. I’d like to think at the grand but young age of 48 I’m consciously responsible for at least some of my thought process! So my response was thus:

“I’d say yes – for me I think being nice would be saying yes to giving someone a lift even while internally saying “damn that’s going out of my way”, while when being kind I would offer without any thought of inconvenience. Does that make sense?”

(Just realising that even then I’d ended on a plea for understanding, note to self, post with more confidence!)

For me I think both are equally important, especially in today’s hurly burly rush-rush world. I think when we’re on auto-pilot through the day it’s easy to forget to be kind. When you’re perhaps juggling the school run, breakfasts, & getting to work, & you’re already running behind the neighbour asking if you could drop her kids off too is an immediate irritant. It’s too easy to feel like saying ‘fgs can’t you see I’m busy’, & I think a societal expectation of nice or pleasant behavior kicks in & makes you say ‘yes of course, more the merrier’ instead of throwing your smoothie* at her children.

*please don’t try this at home!

On the other hand, when we’re able to slow down & breathe, when we’re living more mindfully, our internal priorities tend to be more aligned with our conscious behavior. And that’s when our innate kindness is to the fore, when we selflessly offer to help others without first weighing up costs to our time, our schedule or our own expectations of the day.

Because being kind is heartfelt & authentic behaviour, it makes us feel good too, because we’re sending a little seed of love & kindness out into the world where it can perhaps take root and grow. And that’s better for everyone.

Wishing you all a joyful week

Namaste 🙏💙

Vironika’s latest book, The Art of Talking to Yourself, is a beautiful read, it’s currently sitting beside my bed & although I’ve not yet finished it I’d highly recommend you treat yourself to a copy – it’s food for the soul.

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My Autumn Soup…

I’ve been asked a number of times to share #spoonie friendly recipes. I’m pretty sure this is my first. But what a great one to start with!

For me there is nothing that says Autumn more than a gently spiced root vegetable soup. It’s comfort food, a cuddle in a bowl. It’s healthy & warming. And so incredibly easy to make! I’ll give rough guides to quantity, but I rarely weigh or measure anything, most of my cooking is about being creative, and using what I have in the fridge/pantry.

It’s also about ability on any given day, & using short cuts where possible. For example I can’t chop hard veg anymore, my hands won’t allow, so my basic food processor is an essential kitchen tool. I sometimes buy pre chopped veg & other prepped foods – it’s often the difference between me having a meal of some sort or eating toast!

(I will try to remember to do a follow up post about some fab kitchen shortcuts if you’re disabled &/or low on energy).

So…. My Autumn Soup

  • 4 parsnips
  • 5 carrots
  • 1 onion
  • 4 pieces frozen spinach
  • 1 tsp garlic
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp ground cumin
  • 1 tsp turmeric
  • 1 good pinch of cinnamon
  • 1 good pinch of black pepper
  • 1.5 pints hot chicken stock (veg is fine too)
  • 1/3 cup of split red lentils
  • 1/4 to 1/2 pint of skimmed milk
  1. Use the food processor to chop or slice veg, (except spinach) it doesn’t matter which, we’ll be blending at the end
  2. Warm the oil in a large saucepan, stir & gently fry off veg & onions for a few minutes. Add in the spices, stir through well then add in the hot stock, and the frozen spinach (it defrosts in the pan).
  3. Bring to a simmering boil, throw in the lentils, stir then cover & reduce heat. Simmer gently for approx 25 minutes. Stir in the milk then remove from heat.
  4. Allow to cool, then use food processor to blitz to a thick soup. That’s it. All done! Easy right?

Today this has made me five portions, at approx 147 kcals each. It freezes beautifully, meaning on low energy days I can have homemade soup in a few minutes using the microwave, and that’s a definite win.

Changing it up

Any combo of root veg &/or squash works brilliantly, I don’t think I’ve ever had one fail me and I’ve been cooking variations of this soup for years.

I love lentils, & they’re a great source of protein, fibre & potassium. If you don’t like them I promise you won’t know they’re there, but for me they add a lovely thickness to the soup. If you really don’t like them you could add a couple of potatoes instead, they thicken well too.

Spices are fun to play with, I love the North African flavour of cumin, turmeric & cinnamon. It just adds a little kick without being ‘hot’. But you could easily swap for ground ginger, smoked paprika or chilli, don’t be afraid to experiment a little.

I like to keep this pretty healthy hence the skimmed milk, you could use full fat or even cream & croutons if you’re feeling decadent!

This easily changes to vegan by changing the stock to veg & leaving out the milk. I’ve heard coconut milk is a nice addition but I’ve not tried it yet.

Comments welcome as always, let me know if you try making this 😊

Healing begins with Love 💙

I’ve been pondering for a few weeks where to start with this blog post.  I know what I want to say, I’m just hopeful it comes across as I mean it to!

In March this year, following 18 months of chronic illness with RD, Fibromyalgia & degenerative disc disease all playing together, plus the recent death of my Mother I kind of reached a tipping point.  I’m deliberately not using the word breaking! But I’d had month after month of pain, depression, anxiety, aching, medications,  fatigue, painsomnia and nothing was really changing – I wasn’t feeling ‘better’.

It was a sink or swim moment.  I could either drift along as I was, feeling pretty miserable most days, or I could look for help.  But what? Who? Where? So I hit trusty Google and followed where it led.  And boy was the universe ready for me to reach out! I started looking at mindfulness retreats, found lots of very out there options which included raw foods and tents, which aren’t necessarily my scene!  But whilst stumbling from link to link I came across the wonderful lady who was to change my life.  There is no other way to put that, and I truly believe we were drawn together.

Demi Schneider is simply one of life’s good ‘uns, and an insightful, generous and empowering lady.  A Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychotherapist, Metaphysical Life Coach & Author of “Beat Your Depression For Good” – she powerfully challenges and guides us to look within for our own joy. To care for and love ourselves.  To be happy!

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In simple terms what we think is all powerful. And it’s our choice! And that choice dictates how we feel, emotionally and physically.

It’s easy, rational and possible, but it takes learning, acceptance, meditation and work.  We have years of learned negative thinking patterns to turn around before we are able to allow ourselves to truly be open and actively listen to what our body is telling us. 

It’s known that the subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality.  So by changing our thought patterns to positive (for example repeating ‘I am calm and in control’ when feeling anxious), we physically change the chemicals our brain releases – increasing serotonin.  And when you feel better, you feel less pain. 

Does it relieve pain? A little, yes, and I’m in my early days.  Is it worth it? Absolutely, allowing peace and acceptance into our lives brings joy and happiness to our minds and our hearts, regardless of circumstances.  Loving ourselves rocks!

It’s not a magic cure, but it is a much nicer way to live, especially with chronic illness when things can seem very bleak.

Namaste 💙